After a relentless streak of cruel summer days, the ground meets its first rain. Today is a little kinder, as the soft patter of the rain whispers tenderly to the city.
Enrique jolts in his seat as the thunder claps from outside.
He types away on his laptop, and soon appears a screen with four panels - each with different faces and auras.
Ah, there’s that familiar grin of the girl whose name radiates joy and light - Sunny. She usually brings with her a well-prepared lunch and snacks inside her bag to share with the other - seems like it was made by her mom. Just looking at her room will make one Enrique miss how it feels like to be a highschool freshman who doesn’t have to go through all-nighters at a time - you wouldn’t miss that adolescence stage, though, he thinks.
On the upper right side is the ever-so preppy Sean with his big grandfather glasses. His CET reviewers have been stuck on the wall for the longest time, swaying in tune to the hum of the air conditioner - he’s probably added 4 more back-to-back pages there. He’s got anything and everything ready under his sleeve - need a tissue? Maybe a candy to keep you awake for class? How about a pen?
The girl on the lower left panel is Angel. Contrary to her first name, she’s quite the tough girl who’s always in the mood for a banter. Never too afraid for some harsh words. the one who initiates everything and can get the crowd going. Her fashion style is something one would really keep an eye on - this girl has long been a trendsetter back in school.
And then, there’s Enrique - sporting that mushroom haircut with overgrown bangs, wrinkly bed-weather clothes, and, of course, a blank stare. He squints against the glare of his laptop screen, but he smiles at the familiar sight of the three people he’s known through early bus rides and sleeping pictures, gatherings at the school cafe after classes end and races to the bus in fear of being left behind.
The global pandemic has struck a chord in almost all the workings of their lives. Now, they must meet and know each other through monitor screens and choppy audio - but the comfort hasn’t gone. They were still there.
The last few weeks have reduced him to a panicked, withered mess of a boy with a future put on pause. The course of the first few weeks at home, shortly after the cancellation of classes, were measured in pages of reviewer notes. This summer would be dedicated to review, he promised himself. This was meant to be the part of his life where his dreams took on their form, and he would seek them in the coming years forth - he had found a dream campus and a course he wanted to pursue. Colleges looked at the applicants’ grades from grade 9 to 12 - he knew he had to take school seriously this time around.
Throughout his life, he was taught to live through wanting and climbing and achieving - climbing ranks and acing exams, applying to different side gigs and getting accepted into student organizations, adding more medals and trophies to the shelf in his family’s living room - but when the whole world is put on pause and the only visible future one can grasp is all too different from what they have known, it feels like something big is being taken away.
Enrique’s never known a time this stagnant, and when there are things he doesn’t know how to do or live through, he indulges himself in the familiar - so he drowns in more review notes. And although he feels like a complete loser shutting the world out when it needs the masses more than anything, he doesn’t know how else to face a world that no longer held his dreams the way he did. It’s hard for him to be a person when he is not constantly moving, when he is not trying to reach for something.
He has always known how to want in the form of numbers - ranks and test scores and credits. Maybe it was a little harder to want things that we don’t measure. It’s been a while since he has wanted happiness outside of the numbers. He doesn’t have much experience with hoping outside the things he could control, outside his own head.
His smile is the warmest it’s been since he had to say goodbye to the life he didn’t know he was leaving. It had been all too easy to lock himself inside his own head, but it was never a bad thing to have it filled with the four he - as much as he hated to admit - has kept close for many years.
The four begin chatting away, making up for the time lost because of lockdown and quarantine - not even the sharp cracks of thunder can destroy the spirits of these kids.
“Well, that’s boring! Does anyone have something scary to tell?” Angel asks excitedly.
Little Sunny pleads, “Not too scary, please!”
“Don’t worry, Sunny. The only scary thing here is Angel’s face.” says Sean.
Angel’s expression turns sour as she answers, “You’re one to talk!”
Sean laughs and replies,“Oh, please. I know you’re just jealous of my good looks.”
Enrique grows more irritated, so he butts in.
“Alright, I’ll tell you guys a story, but only if you kids quit arguing.”
Angel crosses her arms and pouts.
“Alright, fine. But for the record, he started it.”
Sean shrugs and mumbles, “Just telling the truth!”
Enrique rubs his face with obvious irritation, crosses his arms, and replies, “What I
am about to tell you is a story of a boy and his nightmares…”
It was dismissal time, Enrique was about to go up to the bus when he heard a voice of a friend calling out for him.
“ENRIQUE!”
Enrique looks back and waves,
“COME BY LATER! MOM’S MAKING MANGO CAKE!”
“YOU BET!”
Little did he know that it would be the last time he would ever taste his mom’s mango cake and see his friend - at least until the pandemic ends.
The loud cracks of thunder have been going on for the past hour, mixing with
tonight’s news - another extended quarantine. Enrique continues to study despite the noise enveloping the house - as usual.
But hearing the voices of his parents arguing from the other room was the
breaking point.
Tears begin to well and soon drench his shirt. The bursts of lightning and
thunder certainly don’t go well with the news tonight - more so with his parents arguing.
A wave of thoughts wash over Enrique as the overwhelming sounds of thunder and shouts begin to deafen him.
“Why is no one calling me? Do I even matter to them? Am I hard to be friends
with?”
He lets these questions wander through his mind as he opens his phone, seeing photos of him with his friends at school and at the mall - anywhere aside from his own home where he was happy.
“When will I be happy again?”
“I’m sick of living in this stupid nightmare. Someone just please take it away from me - please take everything away.”
Loud strikes of thunder wash away his senses - and the windows fly open.
Enrique looked beside his study desk where a masked figure leaned beside his bookshelves.
“So, looking for me?” He said, as his smile peeked through his mask.
[MASKED FIGURE: Not exactly grim reaper, just a person of the same height, wearing a cap, black face mask, eyes are concealed”.]
Enrique looks in fear and curiosity - “What in the world is this? Is this a
dream?” He asks himself.
“Wh- who are you?” Enrique asks.
“I can grant your wish to take you away from this nightmare - no strings
attached,” said the masked figure.
“Who are you? Why are you here?” Enrique asks.
“All you need to do is to sign this,” he said as he pulled out a piece of paper.
“WHO ARE YOU?!” Enrique screams in fear.
“You know me too well. You don’t need to know.”
Enrique looked at him with fear and curiosity. “How does he know me?” He
asked himself.
The masked figure stepped closer to him and whispered,
“Do you still want to live in this nightmare?”
“No. Take me away from here,” Enrique said.
“Then sign.”
The masked figure handed him a pen and a crumpled piece of paper - a
contract. Enrique snatches it away from the masked figure in a snap, hurriedly
signing it and almost ripping off the paper.
Enrique looked back at the masked figure with patches of tears on his cheeks and more tears welling up on his eyes - he looked at him with desperation.
“I knew that I was going to do that,” the masked figure said.
What did he just say? - Enrique tells himself.
The masked figure gets the pen and the paper back from Enrique’s hands.
“And thus, the contract is sealed,” he said, laughing mischievously at Enrique.
Enrique stares at the masked figure - but this time, with confusion. “Who is he?” He asks himself, carefully analyzing the masked man’s voice and figure.
“I know what you’re thinking - you already have the answer.”
What?
“Always remember: the future can only be controlled by what you do in the present,” the masked man said.
And then, a snap.
[SETTING: Enrique’s bedroom is tidy - different from the first one - with sunlight coming through his room’s window. It’s a sunny morning.]
[MOOD: It’s a quiet sunny morning, contrary to the stormy night that occurred.]
Enrique jolts awake from his sleep. He finds himself under warm sheets, with the sun’s streaks peeking through his room’s windowsill.
“Enri! Wake up na! Let’s have breakfast!” Someone calls from downstairs.
“Ma?” He asks himself with confusion.
Enrique rushes to check his phone: May 15, 8:31 AM. He checks the news
from his phone.
“Was there not supposed to be an MECQ implementation today? Where is the COVID case tracker?”
“Enri? What are you still doing? Let’s eat na, Mama is waiting sa baba. We’ll wait for you downstairs.”
Enrique looks at the person by the door: his dad - smiling.
“Pa?”
A wave of memories come flooding back in - the arguing, the storm, the pandemic, his social life, and the masked man.
The contract.
He looks back at his phone, scrolling through his timeline, where there were no posts about COVID-19 nor quarantine.
His phone beeps - three text messages.
“Uy Enrique, we have to get to Angel’s surprise party mamaya ah!”
“Dude!!!! What are you getting for Angel?? Let’s chip in for her gift mamaya when we get to the mall HUHU!”
“CALL ME ASAP!!! CANT DECIDE MY OUTFIT!!!!”
Enrique lies back down on his bed, smiling.
“So this is what it feels like.”
Enrique continued living his life without having to experience his nightmare-of-a-life anymore.
Days, weeks, and months have passed; he had happy parents, he spent time with his friends - and even met new ones - he was even able to go out again.
But for some strange reason, he wasn’t happy at all.
He continued living his life, but spending time with his friends didn’t feel right. Seeing his parents feeling happy didn’t feel right.
Despite living in the wonderland that he imagined, he didn’t feel right.
Happy days turned into gloomy ones, and daydreams slowly turned into empty thoughts.
“Why am I not happy?”
[SETTING: Enrique’s bedroom is tidy, but he doesn’t seem to be “familiar” with it. It’s a quiet night with a slight breeze - too quiet.]
[MOOD: It’s a quiet and gloomy night. Enrique is now back to his emotionless self.]
Days, weeks, and months have passed; he started looking for the masked figure, wishing for him to return. He knew he had to speak with him again. He would leave his curtains and windows open, hoping he would return.
Enrique patiently waited in front of his window every night, ignoring the number of messages he would receive from his friends, locking himself in his room.
He waited.
And he finally came.
The masked figure stood tall stern by the window, looking at Enrique.
Enrique’s look of fear and confusion was now replaced by anger - and regret.
The masked figure laughed, seeing Enrique look at him with a scrunched up forehead, obviously looking angry.
“Why are you mad, little boy?”
“YOU LIAR!” Enrique screamed at him, with tears already flowing down his cheeks.
“YOU TOOK AWAY MY NIGHTMARES BUT WHY DON’T I FEEL HAPPY?!”
The masked figure laughed at him and replied,
“I told you I would take away your nightmares - I didn’t say you’d be happy, did I?”
Enrique takes a step back, realizing what the masked figure told him.
“You’re lying. You’re a liar.”
“You’re lying to yourself, Enri. Don’t you--”
“WHO ARE YOU?!”
The masked figure laughed and removed his mask, revealing his true identity.
“It’s me - well you, to be exact.”
His future self.
Enrique looks at his future self in fear and confusion, not believing what he’s
seeing. His future self takes a step nearer Enrique, looking at him - eye to eye.
“The nightmare that you have been living is not a complete nightmare. Your sadness and sufferings - only with these nightmares can you understand happiness.”
He holds Enrique by his shoulders, giving him a look of reassurance.
“Along with your sad memories, you gave away self growth - happy memories that you spent making new friends online, discovering new hobbies and things that you never knew about yourself.
“You felt displaced, that something was missing throughout these past days. What was missing even before this nightmare was you placing yourself forward and accepting the world as it is, emerging into it and becoming a part of it. What you needed was to ground yourself beneath the earth’s soil and not your head.
“I was really proud of you when you let go of all the ways you’ve been self destructing even before the pandemic - you’ve let go of those reviewers for a while and got up. The first few calls with your friends got you going, and from there you began giving back to the world you’ve been ignoring in different ways. I think you;ve found comfort in caring for people - and yourself - a little more. You have learned through your own hardships compassion for those who share in them and carry heavier weights. You’ve found the passion and drive to commit to dreams you’ve only recently realized; you’ve learned to live with yourself and be happy with it. You are very privileged to be able to have this for yourself, you know? But you do well with it; you make sense of it and use it to better yourself.
“I don’t think I’ll be seeing you for a while.”
[SETTING: Enrique’s bedroom is messy again. The weather outside is gray and rainy.]
[MOOD: It’s a rainy morning. Enrique just woke up from his dream.]
Enrique jolts awake. He immediately checks his phone: May 15, 8:31AM. His
news feed is filled with alerts and reminders about COVID-19.
He takes a peek outside through his window and sees raindrops on the window
clouding his field of vision.
Enrique goes back to bed - smiling.
It was all just a dream.
[PRESENT. SETTING: Enrique is seated on his desk, facing the screen that contained his four busmates.]
[MOOD: It is still raining. It’s the later in the day, as he recounts his dream to his friends.]
There is a joking edge in Enrique’s voice as he recounts his dream, his spirits a little lighter as his friends laugh with him - choppy, distant laughter, but it is still theirs. They are still here; they still have each other. He feels disbelieving as he hears the words coming from his mouth, like a gag he were to make up at the last minute to make them laugh.
Sean pretends to throw a punch to the screen.
“What kind of story is that?!” he exclaims, his shoulders shaking in light laughter. “Pabida-bida ka nanaman, noh?” Enrique is amused at his reaction, not knowing how to react to his own dream as well.
“You didn’t change the character’s name!” Sunny says, pointing at the monitor. “I hope you aren’t too bored at home…”
“Hey! Appreciate my story at least!” Enrique says in interjection. “It was a wild ride!”
“I didn’t expect that from you though,” Sunny says. “If that did happen, I have mad respect for you.” She flashes a thumbs-up at Enrique, revealing a bandage on her fist. He wonders how her sister was doing amid these times, how the two of them cope.
“We’re all here for you whenever,” Angel adds. Her voice is warmer than usual, a little more reassuring. But she holds a smirk they couldn’t read. Enrique decides to appreciate it - Angel’s tough and sarcastic exterior was not all she had.
“Of course,” he says. “And I’m here too. I’m happy we can still meet like this.”
“And nobody’s yanking Sunny’s hair,” Sean adds. This makes everyone burst in laughter.
Their smiles withstand the weather that day - and many other days to come. The calls come by naturally at one point - one every few weeks when it feels a little lonely. The world doesn’t seem to be getting better from where they stand, but they can talk about it - Sean is always the angriest and Enrique understands his anger, Sunny worries a lot, Angel does look a little more bothered.
Enrique has started to open the windows in his room more often, going outside its confines to cook breakfast and watch the sun rise. He keeps these little things close, the repetition and routine that kept him grounded to each day. He starts reading the news with breakfast - “To let you know you still live in today,” Angel had suggested. It has done more than that, drawing from him a type of compassion he hadn’t known he held. He feels like the pandemic has opened himself to the world, like he hadn’t known it in its entirety - he still doesn’t, but he understands a little deeper.
He continues to part the curtains every morning. The world before him is still there, we’re all still here.
Kommentarer